Thursday, January 7, 2010

Title Here.... Brainfreezing..... Maybe TMI?


We are fascinated with this thing!Lol
Estimated to be about 8 ft+/- long....


My little Red bellied friend..
 I will get a good picture one day...


 I have all sorts of blog subjects rolling around in my half froze head but cant seem to get one all together.. I am blaming it on the weather. It is abundantly clear that our house needs insulation!  That is the most urgent thing it needs and can be easily remedied.. With time and Money...Lol Anyone recently added insulation to help give us some ideas??
 I was thinking the other day(dangerous.) about where I was at about 10 years ago.. My girls were toddlers. Wow.. I was in the house all the time.. I had been struggling with major depression. I had off and on for years but it really hit that year. I was of the mind set that God would take it all away... Or that Kyle was somehow responsible for it.. He wasn't... Or if I got out more maybe that would help.. You know the girls night thing and all that stuff.. I had internet at the time and spent a lot of time on it. Not much has changed!Lol  Hey I like my connections! And my blogging friends, Facebook, Goat forum and all the info at my fingertips... Okay getting distracted....Anyway
 So it hit winter time and I was struggling. I noticed around February and March I started feeling better... So I quit dwelling on it and enjoyed my summer... Well fall rolled around and it got worse.. I struggled through another winter.. Then I started searching for answers.. In books, online, went to the doctor and talking to close friends... The doctor wanted to give me a pill.. I hate taking meds! I started reading about how we need sunlight to fight depression.. I thought hmmm that makes sense.. I was still thinking God could just take it away! But in the mean time I was also learning we have to deal with thing in order to Learn!!
 I learned all sorts of things. I read all sorts of stories about different people fighting and winning. Some who deal with it but still are able to have a good life. I am not downing anyone who deals with it and cant seem to defeat this thing called depression or takes meds to help.. This is what happened with me... I started going Outside more often even when its cold out. Just for a few minutes during day light hours.. That winter it wasn't bad at all! Nothing like I had fought in the previous years.. I would just wonder around the yard. Or take a quick walk..  Stand on the porch for a few minutes....
 Then my grandpa got sick and my mom was gone for weeks at a time. I would go and do her chores. Taking care of her goats and chickens while she was gone. I personally only had a Lab female named Princess she had been hit and almost died and then got better.. That was all the animals. My mom had started getting goats the winter before. She now had a herd of Boer does and a couple of dairy goats. I was getting to spend time with them everyday. I was HOOKED!lol..
 I was outside and getting fresh air everyday. It was great. I didn't think I would have liked it so much.. We had always had animals when I was a kid but I hadn't really had anything since we had been married besides a few puppies I had um well... I accidentally ended their poor little lives with those rubber things on my car.. Twice.. I swear it was an accident.. 
 Anyway I was always the one to help with the animals we had at home when I was a kid. When I was taking care of my moms' goats I realized I didn't feel so down. The girls and I were out more often and getting exercise. I was reading in the meantime and looking at more Natural Alternatives. Adding those to my daily routine.. I made it through a whole winter with out depression setting in ....  I got goats... And chickens.. then cats... and rabbits followed!Lol
 I had learned what was causing mine.. Found something to help me.. and it helped alot.. Now as to God taking it away.. He did.. He supplied me with a brain to figure it out.. He supplied me with everything necessary to fight it.. The most important thing I need was more light. It has to do with how much light your eyes take in. Not enough light can cause seasonal depression. Even artificial light can help.
 Anyway I was thrown for a loop this winter with all the things that have happened in the past year. I started "feeling" it hit me again after almost 8 years of not having to much trouble.. But I have cast my cares on Him and focused on the good things.. Dealt with the bad and kept my head above water... Maybe I have just grown up??Lol at almost 35 yrs old.....
 Okay this may not be of any particular interest to anyone.... I really don't know where it all came from just felt the urge to count my blessings..  Stay Warm!!

13 comments:

small farm girl said...

Tonia, I'm glad you shared your story with us. There are a lot of people out there that suffer with depression. I use to be one of them too. My way our of my depression was to get a purpose in my life. Living a more sustainable life with cows,horse,chickens,dogs, and the garden helped me. I think getting more outside helped me too.

Maybe someone who is going through depression will read your blog and it will help them.

Stay warm,
sfg

Brenda said...

With everything going on here on the farm and with my family ... I've felt the walls close in a few times this winter too. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you found a solution to your down times.

When things seem to get unbearable for me .. I spend some time out in the quiet of barn with the goats. I seem to be able to hear Him better out there! With the unconditional love from the goats snuggling all over you ... giving you nose kisses ... even the grown ones climbing in your lap ... my spirits are lifted and I can face the people in my life easier. I'm glad goats and God are in my life!

Barbara said...

Hello Tonia, Thanks for sharing about something so personal. I have to have sunlight or I go down quickly. I also take Vitamin D during the winter. It is amazing how God's creatures can always make us feel better.

I once visited a friend in Indiana and it was overcast, cold and rainy the entire time. When I finally got back home I had to go see a doctor and was treated for depression caused by lack of sunlight those two weeks.

Sandy@American Way Farm said...

My husband suffers from depression in the winter - seasonal affective disorder. I'm outside all the time with the animals etc. But he's just not an outdoor person. I got him one of those lights that treat the disorder and what a difference it makes. Just 30 minutes in the morning and he's good to go. If you can't get outside it might be a good alternative.

Jennifer said...

That icicle is amazing scary! Oh the winter affects me too, I think it is one of the reasons I really do kind of hate the wintertime. I should learn to enjoy it more.

tree ocean said...

I hear ya on the depression thing. I was told once and agree that if you can just force yourself to do something being active helps too(exercise releases endorphins) Weather affects me-if there is a storm I sleep really late and am tired all day... I think some of it is natural to be hibernating in the winter and during foul weather, and natural cycles-we can't be up all the time...and hormones for us girls, too, lol. Not trying to say depression isn't real, but docs are so ready to throw a pill at us sometimes...

insulation...my first job was working for the state as an insulation carpenter. Seal up your drafts around windows, doors. Windows have a huge heat loss if you don't have storm windows try plastic or even fabric tacked up after dark. The plastic should actually go on the inside so as not to trap moisture (vapor barrier on the living space side) I use to use thin cheap plastic drop clothes cut to size. can't see through them very well so I used only on windows I didn't look through all the time...

Next heat loss is through the roof! If you have attic or crawl space rolling out some fiberglass batts adds R value. Just make sure you have air flow between the insulation and the roof and don't cram it in the eaves . (don't want to trap moisture on the roof)

Walls are best dealt with by blowing in the fiber stuff you have to rent the hopper, drill holes in your siding which you later plug and caulk. That's if you have wood siding...

The basement you can' bank the outside or put insulation up under the floor I hate insulating overhead. They make this great foam foil sheet stuff now but it is expensive...

LOL just some cheap ideas I even use cardboard under the rugs as an extra layer...and one of my daughter's windows has a piece of cardboard cut and fitted in there...you could paint or cover with fabric to make it nice and pull it during the day too...

Feral Female said...

Tonia how brave of you to share your battle with us. Seasonal depression affects SO many people and perhaps someone who suffers may find inspiration in your story.

Animals are amazing for thier gift of being able to keep us from dwelling upon ourselves and our woes.

Blessings on ya woman. =)

Paula said...

Hi Tonia - Thanks for hopping over to my blog! So glad to have you! Missouri isn't that far away!

Hang in there girl! Spring will soon be here!!

Blessings~
Paula @ The Broken Y

Rural Rambler said...

Tonia I had/have depression issues too, especially when I was perimenopausal and during menopause. The pills made me feel worse so I did not use them. I walked and spent lots of time outside as you do. The country life has helped immensely. I call depression, "the beast", and it tries to slip back but I use techniques I have learned over the years to beat it back!

Thanks for talking about your depresssion with such a positive and humorous attitude and sharing your ways of fighting it. I think it always helps to talk about it so that we can all help each other. Only good can come from that kind of communication!

~Tonia said...

Thanks everyone!!

Nezzy said...

Thanks for sharing. My best friend really battles depression. Take care of yourself dear girl.

That icicle is amazing!

I will remember you in my prayers and you have yourself a blessed day in the Lord!!!

tree ocean said...

I spent the morning without access to a computer regretting my comment making light of depression. I was referring to MINOR depression. If anyone has thought of suicide or feels completely overwhelmed for more than a brief period of time, they should seek professional help. Some people become so overwhelmed suicide might seem the only option but it is NOT! Live is better than dead!

I once answered a questionairre by a shrink and said I had occasional thoughts of suicide and their eyes bugged out of their head (!)and I said I thought that was normal -that everyone occasionally wished that and they said, "no!!!!" and I thought, well, they weren't answering the question honestly! LOL no, I wouldn't do it, don't feel that way now either, but if anyone has those thoughts they are not alone and don't do it! talk to someone!

~Tonia said...

Oh I didnt take it as you making light of it! Hmm I would think some people werent answering honestly either!!
Brief thoughts of all kind sof things can go through your head. I did have a friend tell me one time that she thought depression was not real just something people made up.
I also think we are not suppose to Be Happy constantly. Thats not real or life. Some people do have serious imbalances and the pills help. For other situations pills are suppose to be temporary but rarely used that way...
And with women Hormones play a Huge part in it!! Since my surgery its like some one pulled the plug on a rushing river and its a happy little stream now!Lol